A Personal Note on What’s Important

It feels like an eternity since I last sat before this blank screen. A lot of things have happened this past month. I travelled to different places, met new people, made a few decisions and failed in a few projects. Yet, I always feel like without returning to this blank screen, I’m lost in the abyss of tasks to accomplish.

Throughout the last few years, I’ve started multiple YouTube Channels and multiple blogs. This blog is my fourth one. I tried to stay active on social media for a while. Why? It’s simple: I wanted attention. In “better” words, it’s an acknowledgement that I yearn for. Even when writing this article, I imagine someone reading and reflecting on it. I write, redact and re-write many sentences while still having a picture of someone else reading this stuff.

While this is one side of the issue, the other is even more serious. Perfectionism. It’s hard to digest that your result after putting in the maximum effort is a failure. I hate that feeling. I understand it’s arrogant to think everything we do is fruitful. The whole idea in itself is flawed.

Of course, tangential to these two issues is my fear of public speech. I am afraid even to consider putting my thoughts out to the public. I was even medically diagnosed with Social Anxiety.

I tried for many days to tackle these issues directly. I tried to do many “ hacks “ to help you overcome these. But, in the last few days, I realised I was barking up the wrong tree. I was trying to treat the symptoms and not the disease. What’s the disease, you ask? Let me tell you, it’s a seemingly harmless thought. It’s the thought about oneself.

If you realise, everything I wrote above was about me. My issues, my thoughts, my goals, my desires. I was thinking of myself far too much than I actually should have. I don’t matter. I am just one person out of 8 Billion others. One data scientist out of a million others. Yet, I thought “I” was the only one that mattered. I can be replaced by another data scientist, another person, in seconds. Yet, I look at myself as someone irreplaceable.

I’m not saying I’m useless or lack confidence in myself. But it’s undeniable that I am replaceable in an instant. Why? That’s because I contribute too little to society to have any value.

This tiny realisation felt like an epiphany. We don’t have to be perfect. We don’t have to build great stuff. We have to be curious. Curious enough to enjoy the tiny things that life offers us. Curious enough that we don’t even care about the “value” of what we do.

We don’t have to break everything. We just need to be open. Let’s look at our day-to-day activities. What’s something that you’re curious about? What’s the reason behind the patterns we have right now? Let’s start there. That’s enough.